Seppuku at the Triage Desk


The triage nurse prepares for suicide, after triaging the 49th child with fever. Note the completed triage form at the feet.

If you, Mommy, tell me that little Johnny, who is bundled in 15 layers of clothing, including two hats and a hood, has a fever of 39.8, I will begin to despair of the human race.

If you,  Mommy, tell me that despite the fever of 39.8, you were afraid little Johnny would get cold, my worst fears about the general intelligence of H. sap. will be confirmed.

I will commit ritual self-disembowelment in shame for your stupidity with a sharpened tongue depressor, right here at Triage, if you, Mommy, tell me that you last gave little Johnny Tylenol 14 1/2 hours ago. I will give myself an extra little twist if you underdosed little Johnny because you had given him a dose 12 hours previous.

With my dying breath, I will hand you, Mommy, the sharpened tongue depressor so you too may ritually disembowel yourself in shame, if you tell me that you saw your GP four hours ago, and you came in because little Johnny is not better.


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  1. #1 by Maha on Tuesday 08 December 2009 - 1430

    Infection control does not approve of ritual self-disembowelment with sharpened tongue depressors :P

  2. #2 by Gert on Tuesday 08 December 2009 - 2236

    OMG..the most brilliant thing I’ve read in an age!

  3. #3 by paedsnurse on Wednesday 09 December 2009 - 2351

    The human race is doomed. I’m faced with idiots like these every single shift. I sometimes wish some people were not allowed to have kids. I mean, if we have to go to school and get licensed to do things, there should be a license to have kids too. That woman is ridiculous.

  4. #4 by Jenn Jilks on Saturday 12 December 2009 - 0909

    This is hilarious! I can understand how you feel!

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