Found on Staff Lounge Bulletin Board
When I went to lunch the other day, wanting to hot up an otherwise tepid General Tao’s chicken, I noticed my bottle of hot sauce, the one that was made by a Mayan women’s collective using organically grown heirloom chili peppers and which I bought at a hoity-toity food shop in Yorkville for a ridiculously inflated price, was missing.
Clearly, this is my fault. When I labelled the bottle, “Please Feel Free to Use” in a fit of unwarranted generosity, you interpreted my label to mean, “Please Feel Free to Use at Home.” Clearly I was not plain enough in my meaning. I should have written,”Please feel free to use in the staff room ONLY.” For this apparent confusion, I apologize.
In order to prevent further misunderstanding in the future, you will notice I have placed two bottles of Frank’s Red Hot Original in the staff lounge refrigerator. Into one of them, known only to me, I have instilled a small amount — not more than, say, 1 cc — of the most obnoxious substance known to humanity. I speak, of course, of CAT URINE. Or maybe I haven’t. You will never know. The point being, are you willing to take the risk of ingesting CAT URINE? And what about your children?
Little more, I think, needs to be said on this matter.
Thank you for your understanding.